(continued from Part I)

The very next morning, Joey put his plan into action. Step one involved a serious examination of his appearance. He seemed to think the mohawk made him a bit too “conspicuous”. He also pondered growing some facial hair to make himself look more mature. After all, Bailey was an older woman!

After shaving off the mohawk (and thank goodness to that, I say! But I’ve always been a stuffy old ghost) and letting his five o’clock shadow grow in, Joey observed his new image in the mirror. He was surprised at how much more sophisticated he looked! But would Bailey like it?

That night Joey dug some of his ill-gotten Simoleons out from under his mattress and ordered a romantic gourmet dinner complete with candles, a rose, chocolate-covered strawberries, and a CD entitled “Woo-hoo for You-hoo: 28 Love Songs Guaranteed to Set the Mood”. After dousing himself with cologne, he called Bailey and invited her over.

When Bailey arrived, Joey greeted her with a rose in his teeth and danced her into the living room. Nat King Cole serenaded them from the boombox as Joey lowered Bailey into a dip. “What do you think?” he asked, forgetting he had a rose in his teeth. It bounced off of Bailey’s nose before landing on the floor.

“Um…” was Bailey’s dubious reply. Joey’s cheeks flashed crimson for a moment before he regained his poise and led her over to the sofa.

I don’t know if it was the mood music or Joey’s new look or what, but Bailey seemed to warm up to him this time around and was soon perched on his lap. She giggled as a Barry White song drifted out from the stereo. “You’re really trying to impress me, aren’t you, Joey boy,” she said, resting a neatly manicured finger on his nose. He could only gaze upon her with big doe eyes and lean in for a kiss, which she accepted eagerly.

They seemed to melt into each other for a moment on the sofa before Joey finally said, “Bailey…I want to give you everything, and I promise I will…or die trying.”

There was some awkwardness as Bailey raised her eyebrows, seemingly taken aback by Joey’s earnest declaration. She seemed to ponder something for a second, then smiled broadly and said, “All right, Joey boy, let’s see what you’ve got.” With a devilish gleam in her eye, she pushed him down on the sofa and jumped on top of him.

This is where I averted my eyes (we ghosts have to draw the line somewhere, you know) and took a long gander at Joey’s CD collection, which consisted mostly of bands with angry names like Head Slammer and You’re So Ugly. When I looked back, Joey was on one knee, handing Bailey a little velvet box. What, no curbside proposal this time? I thought that was de rigueur in Mt. Geneva by now!

Bailey held the glittering gem up to the light. “I’ll say ‘yes’, Joey boy, but let’s not rush into marriage. I want to have fun first. Let’s take a ski trip! Or maybe we can go snorkeling! I have this cute little bikini I can wear…”

Joey was so giddy at her acceptance that he leaped up and whirled her around the room. “I’ll give you the most amazing wedding you could dream of!” he said. Bailey opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped it with a kiss. They melted into each other again and went off to the bedroom to do things that I cannot mention.

In the kitchen, the gourmet meal remained untouched.

The next day Joey rose bright and early to visit Tiffy, who had just moved in across the street. She was on her way to work at the clinic, but spared a few moments to talk to him. She hugged her brother briefly, admiring his new haircut, and asked him how things were going.

“Things are going well. Actually, better than well. I asked Bailey to marry me!”

Tiffy smiled, but a cloud seemed to pass over her eyes for a moment. She quickly brightened, however, and gave Joey a playful punch on the shoulder. “Way to go, bro! Congratulations. When’s the wedding?”

Joey hesitated. “Well…um…here’s the thing. You know I don’t have much money, but I want to give Bailey the best wedding, so I was thinking…maybe I could move in with you to save on funds?”

Tiffy raised an eyebrow. “Move in with me? I love ya, bro, but I’m not sure I want the police showing up at my door at three in the morning.”

Joey looked surprised. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I wasn’t born yesterday, Joey. I know what you’ve been doing after work. Stella saw you lift a wallet off a guy in Brinsley Square, but she didn’t report you, because you’re my brother. I figured you were doing something shady anyway, because let’s face it, you could never afford those house payments on your measly gofer’s salary.”

“Thanks for reminding me,” Joey groaned. “But what if I stop doing all that, Tiffy? Can I move in then?”

Tiffy thought for a moment, then sighed. “I guess. But no more shady stuff! You need to find a legitimate job.”

Joey grinned. “Wow. My little sis is getting bossy in her old age.” He pulled Tiffy into a headlock and gave her a noogie, just like old times.

Tiffy broke away just as her carpool showed up. As she climbed in and sped off, Joey beamed. Everything had gone according to plan. He rushed home to start packing his things.

So there you have it! Two of the Kilmans will be reunited in the old Kilman Trailer. I haven’t seen Sid’s ghost kicking around yet, but perhaps he’ll make an appearance soon. Until next time, dear readers, this is Maude saying, “BOO!”