The Art of Diplomacy (Part I)

Franchesca Diaries

Day 8, Monday, 8:05 PM

Poor Uncle Elvis. I just saw him outside and the man is dead on his feet. He’s been toiling in the garden all night because…well, I’ll get to that. Let’s just say he’s had quite the day. I’m surprised he hasn’t thrown up his hands, stuck out his thumb, and caught the next ride back to Pigeondale. That’s what I’d do if I were him, mime or no mime.

Franchesca Diaries

Come to think of it, my day was fairly insane, too. But that’s kind of the norm by now, isn’t it? You’d think out in the boonies here we’d be twiddling our thumbs, looking for things to do. But noooooo…things find us. With a vengeance.

Take this morning, for instance. I was just snoozing away, dreaming of ocean waves and drummer boys, when this awful clanging noise outside woke me up. I sat up in bed and listened for more racket, but all I could hear was Weezy crying in her room.

I tiptoed across the hall and held her for a bit, humming Llama Mama songs to her until she fell back asleep. No one else stirred out of their rooms — they hadn’t heard the racket OR Weezy. Poor girl. I put her back in her barrel and went outside to investigate, hoping a burglar wouldn’t jump out of the bushes at me.

What I saw out there was almost as bad as a burglar — we had been VANDALIZED!

Franchesca Diaries

Can you believe it? They — whoever “they” are, and I have my suspicions — had knocked over the garbage can and scattered the trash all around the sidewalk. The stench was so bad I had to plug my nose. But when I saw that they had demolished Bernie’s lemonade stand, too, I went NUTS. I actually ran around the yard in my pajamas hoping I might come across the vandals lurking in the shadows so I could pop ’em a good one.

But I didn’t find anyone, so I relieved my anger by picking up the trash. The sun was out by the time I finished, and I hadn’t even started on the lemonade stand yet.

Franchesca Diaries

Bernie took it surprisingly well, though. That kid is so zen sometimes. It’s like nothing really bothers him. He and I both think the perpetrators are those stupid bullies at school who keep pushing Bernie around. He said he’s going to confront them today, which makes me a little afraid for him. Actually, he said, “I’ll ask them about it at recess. But I’ll make sure I get a hold of the baseball first, so they can’t throw it at me. Are we having pancakes for dinner?”

I barely had time to tell the parents and Elvis what had happened — the bus was trucking down the road towards our house, and I wasn’t even dressed. I had to run for it! How humiliating.

Franchesca Diaries

After we left for school, Mom took off to tune pianos, and Dad was left in charge of Weezy. Anyone wanna guess how THAT went? Uh…yeah.

According to Elvis, it was a disaster. Apparently my dad thinks the best way to quiet a crying child is to juggle water bottles over her head.

Franchesca Diaries

I guess my dad doesn’t know how to wash dishes, either, because everything was still a mess. And you know Uncle Elvis the Neatfreak can’t handle that kind of thing. He was ROYALLY miffed. In his anger he sent Dad out to weed the garden — mainly to get him out of his hair, I think — while he cleaned the kitchen and took care of Weezy.

Well, I’m sure Elvis said a few choice words (four-letter words, most likely) because Dad got upset and decided to spray the forbidden pesticide all over the tomato plants.

Franchesca Diaries

I don’t know if he did it on purpose or not, but he clearly wasn’t in his right mind. But then, is my dad ever in his right mind? Does he even have a mind? I really wonder sometimes.

As soon as Elvis caught a whiff of the pesticide (which didn’t take too long, I’m sure, since that stuff is naaas-ty), he made Dad stop, but it was too late — one of the gardening club deputies was already storming across the yard. Elvis told Dad to go take care of Weezy while he braved the lady’s wrath.

Franchesca Diaries

Elvis said he was sorry about a hundred times and promised it wouldn’t happen again. Gardening Lady listened with stony features, then advised him to dispose of the pesticide, or he would be fined. Elvis said he would do so immediately.

Then he broke down. He won’t admit it, but I bet you he had tears in his eyes. I mean, the man is way stressed out. He confided in her that he was worried about his plants — he told her how they were swarming with bugs and full of weeds, and he couldn’t keep up with them. They were dying.

Franchesca Diaries

The lady felt sorry for him then and promised to send more ladybug houses over. Aww. Then she asked him if he’d been talking to his plants, and he said, “Erm…not really.”

She offered him another lesson (pardon me while I laugh heartily), but he was concerned about leaving Weezy in Dad’s care while he mucked about in the garden, so he took down her name and number and said he’d give her a call.

Franchesca Diaries

(By the way, her name is Isola, and just between you and me, I think Uncle E has a bit of a crush…)

Since the gardening thing didn’t work, Elvis sent Dad off to buy groceries and diapers and all that good stuff. He told him exactly what to buy and how much money to spend, just in case Dad got any ideas about buying telescopes or whatnot. In the meantime, Elvis put Weezy down for a nap and did some housecleaning.

(continued on Page 2)

26 thoughts on “The Art of Diplomacy (Part I)

  1. Reagan: Awesome update!!
    Rose: Fran’s dad is seriously wack.
    Reagan: I think that Elvis should flirt w/ Isola!!!!
    Rose: They’d make a good couple.

  2. YAY! Glad to hear from Fran. Great update. Fran’s Dad sure is interesting, eh? I’m sorry Joel is leaving, hopefully he won’t be gone for good & Fran will be happy again.

    I think Elvis & the Garden Club lady should get together, lol.

    Thanks for updating!

  3. An update! An update! And not a single mention of orcs or drakes or hobbits! WOOT!! *is excited* Poor Weezy. Poor kid better not remember any of this when she finally grows up. Her dad is a total flake! She’s bound to think that her uncle is her dad since he takes more/better care of her than her actual dad. And he’s got HORRID taste. Who were this man’s parents?! Poor Elivs’ plants. Here’s hoping that they survive … perhaps they want to hear his voice. Speak to the plants, Elvis. They’re longing to hear you. :)

  4. Fran! YAY cant wait for part two.

    Your writing skills are so good. I wish i was a writer…..
    oh well i can dream!

    XXX yaz XXX

  5. Oooh. Wow. Isola is *serious* prettiness. I approve! I think she and Elvis would make gorgeous offspring.
    Argh, I’m doing the Sims 2 equivalent of homework right now. I’m slooooo-oooooo-oooooowly organizing all my custom walls and floors, and that’s in between redesigning all the Maxis pre-made houses to suit my tastes and needs. At least the latter’s fun and creative if dull after a while, but the former.. Gnaaaaa.

  6. Uncle Elvis is funny, I feel bad for the poor guy with that crazy man in the house… He really should get a job. And Weezy, the poor thing always being thrown on the floor! Fran should call the Social Worker to take her father away, LOL.

  7. Yayy!!! Fran update!!! I hope that whats-her-face who works at the music store with Joel doesn’t try to steal him away from Fran!!!

  8. Poor Uncle Elvis. He sure does look frazzled. He is getting rather worked up for some weeds. ‘Death by Flies’ I love it! And I don’t blame Fran for being a little concerned about the outfit her dad might have bought for her. That shirt should be burned! The outfit isn’t the most beautiful but its not too bad.

    Rock on Llama Mama!

  9. Great update Jen! I bet Weezy will be one interesting kid. Her Dad surely is an… interesting influence. ;)
    And how cute is Uncle Elvis and the garden club chick. Awwww.

  10. Only two pages???? You are soooo bad, jen! Anyway great update good to see fran again. And you got a new fan! My niece, almost two years old, like fran and weezy i think, because she kept pointing at the screen spurting happy baby languages and laughing to herself whenever she saw fran/weezy.Can’t wait for the next great updates!

  11. Hi. I say it’s about Elvis met a nice lady and move away from that nuthouse!. I wonder what happened to make them move in the first place?. I bet it had something to do with Fran’s dad.

    I’ll be looking forward to your next update.

    Keep Simming!

    See ya.

  12. Isola is very pretty. I don’t blame Elvis for crushing on her. Fran’s dad is wack. I hope Weezy doesn’t need counseling from spending most of her infancy on the floor and in a barrel. Fran’s new outfit is too awful. It looks better from the back.

  13. Hmm…Isola and Uncle Elvis! That’s so sweet! He would be a good husband and a good father. Fran’s dad on the other hand….You wonder how they are related. Poor Fran, I really hope she gets some nice clothes soon!

  14. Great update! But tell me…where did you get the Metallica poster?(in the record store) I need that!!! :D

  15. Too funny Jen! Fran has the craziest family! And yay for Joel and his new band. Let’s hope he gets rich and famous and saves Fran from the loony-bin!

  16. Im starting to miss Frans old hair…thats just me i think. Uncle Elvis and Isola! cute couple! Frans dad is total loony tunes! Poor Weezy. I think that Rayna knocked down the trash can, personally. Because she was like stalking Fran and Joel wasnt she? she seemed like the kind of person who’d take agression to another level. or of course it could be the bullies with Bernie. but I just think its Rayna for some reason. Congrats at all A’s Fran!

  17. I really like Uncle Elvis and I hope Joel comes back to Fran soon! Yay for updates!

  18. Lol! That is so wierd I split my teen girl and her boyfriend up too.But after she left college I made a plan to get them back together you know like a happy reunion.Good work oh wouldn’t I love a dad like frans.Or would I?

  19. haven’t been around in awhile, been a busy summer. i loved the fran update. i missed those. each one is truly entertaining and hilarious. great job!

  20. Thanks for all of the comments! You guys are awesome. I am working on the next Fran update, so stay tuned. August and September are insanely busy, but once October hits I should be able to post more often. *crosses fingers* Thanks for sticking with me for this long!

    Shaera, you asked about the Metallica poster! I’m 99.9% sure I got it from Mod the Sims 2, but I can’t find it now. :-( . If you do a search on “Metallica” or “posters” you might be able to find it…maybe my eyes just missed it! I’ll keep looking.

  21. I love Fran and her crazy family, glad your back to blogging them. My favorite character would have to be the dad, he’s just plain kooky. He’s kinda like my dad actually, he tends to just go off and do the craziest things imaginable. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t.

  22. Hey,

    I have been following your blog/stories for about 3 months now. And I was wondering if I could ask you a quick question. How do you get the clothes on a baby? All of mine are in diapers and I have no idea as to how you change that. Can you help me? Thanks in advance.


    By the way…
    Youur staories are awesome and I can’t wait for the next Franchesca update. :)